An ex-girlfriend of mine once told me that, I’m going to die of aids, and such, because I live in the moment. She told me, she lived for the future. I never truly understood that, to be honest. How does one live for the future? And how must one plan for the future? Rhetorically speaking, because I know I cannot do that; it’s unhealthy in my opinion. Why should I live for the future when, the things that happen now, are the only things that are of concern. For all I know, I’ll die before finishing this blogkl;daaaaaaaarippdbadrpdfg
…Just kidding I’m still alive, but seriously, all that time planning for the future, takes away from the pleasures of life currently. I live my life the best way I know how, and that’s being happy. I’d rather live an amazing 27years, than a miserable amount of decades, and then be happy. I cannot live for the future simply because, I exist in the present.
Funny thing about me. I must say, I’ve been on this planet for over two decades now, and I’ve lived an amazing life. Met amazing people, been to amazing countries, and experienced things, not many Jamaican kids that grew from a third world country can say. I am fortunate however, the things I experience come with a price. I’m not sure if this is the same for everyone but, after the amazing party, where I met the amazing girl, and done all these amazing things, come to an end, and I am back in my bed; the next morning, I only have it as a thought. A mere memory so intangible, if I made it up in my head, I would still believe it happened. What I mean in a nutshell is: Every time I have a good day, night, week, moment whatever, I can never remember exactly what that experience was like. It’s like the difference between, a 2D movie in mono, and one that’s in 3D with stereo surround sound.
Sure, I remember what I did, but I can never reclaim the nostalgia of actually doing it, which sucks. Maybe because of things that I do, cause this. I tend to fib often, not pathologically or anything, but infrequently. I’m guessing it’s become a case where, I cannot separate reality, from fiction, thus, rendering everything null, and debatable. This is something I am not proud of. It saddens me a bit. The only way I can sustain the happiness, is to keep having happy moments. It’s a temporary phase, that’ll I’ll get over. Hopefully.
I tell you one thing though, I’d rather have these simple thoughts of what happened, than them all being fairy tales.