Spare some quarters?


I handstand on Life

I need change. That’s all really. I cannot, for my life, stay in one spot for too long. [she] told me Scorpios are the ones that deal most with consistency….well, that’d probably explain why I don’t believe in that shit, or religion. I feel like I’m dying if I stay too long. That’s why I’m always changing the kinds of music I make, things I write…and just the stuff I do. I can, however, cope with the crap of “staying” if, and only if, love is present. If it’s not, there’s only so much time until I must leave. I’m nomadic. That’s known. Always switching the groups I associate with.

I’m

probably

destined

to

be

like

Howard Hughes

or

Sly Stone

…..reclusive….

doesn’t sound half bad..

I do agree with one thing that the Zodiac “experts” say:

“Scorpio doesn’t need things nice, it needs things honest and true. It needs you to pay the price for your actions: an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth. That is why some people find Scorpio ruthless. You’ll either find Scorpios wonderfully, wonderfully honest or you’ll find them downright scary.” – via: http://www.videojug.com/interview/the-twelve-signs

At times I always feel as though, I need somebody, but really…I’m starting to believe I only want things. I need myself. Even though nobody is reading this….well..if you are reading this, let me talk to you.

Hi, you. Understand that, I’m a person that gets lost; I do like to gain awareness..that’s why it’s pointless for me to “lose myself” because even when inebriated, I always NEED to know what’s going on. I can’t let go. That’s my “problem” I suppose. I’m too analytical, “you think too much” <—I hear that too much. I need a retreat. Some place where people don’t speak any of the languages I understand. I’m always too close to the problems ya’know? Like, I can never forget them…because, I’m right next to them. I need to go away. But even if I were to go away, being the idiot that I am, I WOULD STILL TRY TO REMEMBER THEM (the problems that is).

“Don’t look down” I look down. “Don’t think about the pain” I’m already thinking about it. That’s who I am. So in reality, I cannot escape my demons, I just embrace them…..but…if that’s said, then why would I complain? Reason: Because I don’t adapt enough. Instead of the corny cliché of “getting over life’s obstacles” I need to get through them. Then there’s that other side of me, the “not wanting anything” side, which makes absolutely no sense, and it’s a contradiction of my own personal cries. I don’t want anything, yet I want everything.

What the fuck….

There it goes again………wait.

alright..

I’m so secretive, yet I let people in on sooooooooooo much. That’s crazy, I guess I really do have a split persona. Actually, (laugh) I really do. Partially because of a long lost embarrassment, in which I got over, from moving country to country. Again, that’s crazy lol. I mean…hmm…I mean like….okay, alright. Put it this way: I will feel uneasy, until I let everybody know my secrets. Something one should never do, but I’m such a shell sometimes…there really isn’t anything to keep. Then there’s the side of me (still only two sides) that craves attention excitement!!! So telling everyone, and the look on their faces, THE SHOCK!!! HAHA…wow…that’d set me straight….if you read this shit, you now know more about me, than I will know myself…once I save, and exit my WordPress.

People locked in rooms, with soft white walls, wearing jackets…get to have all the fun.

-SMR

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About Oil Underneath

I drink glasses of cold water.
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