US students mourn alcohol and caffeine drink Four Loko.


So I came across this article just a minute ago, an instead of going into a full blown out discussion of it (tiring), I decided to comment on one thing that I found intriguing. As the title suggests, obviously I’m talking about the 4 Loko ban (I’m upset). In the article (which was posted by BBC News) it quoted a student (or dumbass) by the name of James Kulinski. Now to quote James:

“My friend had [a] little under three cans in one hour,” explains a student at the college, James Kulinski. “He didn’t know what he was doing. He was a mess – he had no motor skills and no ability to communicate.”

I have a few concerns with this comment. Firstly

WHAT THE FUCK IS YOUR FRIEND DOING DRINKING THREE 4 LOKOS IN UNDER SIXTY FUCKING MINUTES?!

Secondly, what the hell where you doing watching another man, drink alcohol for an hour? James?!?!….Are you hiding something from us?

:-/

Third, we all know three large servings amount of alcohol to anyone (i.e. not Chuck Norris) is going to leave a lasting impression. He was a mess? Had no motor skills? The fuck? You expected him to play Beethoven‘s violin Sonata No. 9 in A major, while driving a car (or your mother) or something of that nature?

HE WAS DRUNK!

The article then goes on to explain something even more unimportant, a soothing, an reassuring gesture of James’ integrity:

James has tried Four Loko and Joose and isn’t a huge fan. He says most people who drank it on campus were “inexperienced drinkers” who saw it, at around $1.50, as an inexpensive way to get drunk.

He isn’t a huge fan? That’s because he’s a PUSSY!

Go back to your Calculus II book, and make us proud bitch!

Most people that you saw drinking it were inexperienced drinkers? Hm, I don’t buy it Mr. Kulinski; there’s three possible factors that could play into this circumstance, that I believe are of high concern:

  1. He’s an experienced college drinker, and can spot out the Bud Light fairy college drinkers (which would almost refute his ample, bold, and magnanimous character).
  2. He got raped by the school football team, due to 4 Loko (how any young man delving into innocent college vagina, would speak out against the Loko is beyond me – is he a homosexual?- no, no discrimination here)
  3. BBC News is taking tips from FOX NEWS, an are implanting falsified testimonials. God damn Brits.

In any case, well done fuck face; spoken like a true virgin.

Lastly, should I (or we) really take word from a student that looks like this:

I suk co-ck 🙂

You be the judge people.

Here’s the link to the article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-11942801

-Richí

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About Oil Underneath

I drink glasses of cold water.
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One Response to US students mourn alcohol and caffeine drink Four Loko.

  1. Hi Steve,

    This post about Four Loko is hilarious! I cannot believe what that guy quoted by the BBC said.

    I just found this cool infographic while I was researching an article for our library newsletter on Four Loko and thought you might be interested. You can check it out here: http://www.guidetoonlineschools.com/four-loko.

    I thought your readers might enjoy the graphic and wanted to see if you would consider posting a link to it from your blog. Let me know what you think of it.

    Thanks! Lauren 🙂

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